Date Night Drafts: Cammy's Deposition
Submitted into evidence: one former Nashvillian, one sex-party architect, and one enduring belief in true love.
Date night drafts are back bb!
Contrary to popular belief, retirement from the streets has not diminished my investigative abilities. I know things. I hear things. I see things you don’t want to know.
And because I am still culturally relevant (for the time being), I have an elite roster of single correspondents willing to report directly from the front lines of city romance.
Consider it a public service.
Perhaps you’re happily coupled and crave some fresh fodder for GNO. Perhaps you need reassurance that your dating life is, in fact, not the worst one in Manhattan. Or perhaps you’re one romcom away from re-downloading Hinge (for the last time, I promise).
Whatever brings you here, welcome. Pour yourself a drink and get comfortable.
Today’s dispatch comes from Cammy: co-worker, co-conspirator, and trusted accomplice to many of my New York nights. A Nashville transplant turned devoted New Yorker, she’s survived enough dating atrocities to be verified as a primary source.
And luckily for us, she’s agreed to testify.
There is much to learn from the following account. Please annotate accordingly.
If you need a reminder of the odyssey of singleness I endeavored, please refer to the class notes.
Now then, let us proceed.
Give us the rundown!
Stats:
Height: 5’5”
Seeking: Unfortunately dating men atm
Batting Average: One big ol’ multi year relationship in college, ever since I’m averaging 1-3 dates with an occasional situationship sprinkled in
Skills: LinkedIn stalking, yearning, directing theatre, hot takes on pop stars and lukewarm takes on movies, long walks in distant locations, arts management, sending the ‘sry no second date’ text
What’s your experience dating in the city
I moved here from Nashville a little over a year ago, where dating was dismal. I met people I connected with there, but they were few and far between, and the rest of the crowd was downright depressing. I was constantly asking myself ‘Am I too picky? Am I doomed to settle and spend the rest of my life talking about either bro-y indie music or fantasy football?’. If you ever find yourself in this situation, here’s my advice - BITCH MOVE TO NEW YORK !!!!
Dating here has been a breath of fresh air compared to Nashville - it’s hard to overstate the difference. Of course, the usual complaints are still fair. We’ve gamified dating, no one is setting me up with their boyfriends’ hot coworkers, and nothing has fully clicked yet. BUT I’m going on dates with people who are, on average, much more likely to have any self confidence at all, to have hobbies and friends, and/or have thoughts on Emily Wilson v. Christopher Nolan. Not as many great bad tattoos though sadly.
What’s the worst date you’ve been on recently
Nothing will ever top my bad dates in Nashville (DM me for details over a glass of wine) but my worst date here has to be one I didn’t actually go on?
There’s a new playground on the internet called The Personals (everyone say thank you ‘The Cut’!) where people can post looking-for-love classifieds. I responded to one, had a fun back and forth, and scheduled a date with a Cute Architect. I shared some salient details with a group chat and turns out my friend already knew him! From a sex party! That he attends with his girlfriend!
So anyways I’m counting writing that EMAIL asking if he in fact has a girlfriend that he attends sex parties with as a bad date.
(He does and he does and he offered to break up with her if our dates went well enough 🫶🏼)
What’s the best?
Very early into my time here, I went on a classic 24 hour second date that started at The Whitney, included ping pong, SoHo House and gossiping, getting into Dante at 1:30am, making out in a basement corner booth, losing my phone, and ending a very long dry spell. Great NYC hazing.
How do you choose who you want to go on a date with?
I used to view it simply as a numbers game, but am trying to be more intentional these days.
I really want a smarty pants, but that’s very very hard to parse from pretension online. I think time spent with someone you have good banter with is never time wasted, but I’m trying to be better about being honest with myself if I’m attracted to them before we actually go out (the best you can without meeting in person).
What are some things you’re learning about yourself as you date?
I’ve learned that I don’t want to find someone who cares about the same things I do as much as I want to find someone who talks about things in the way I do. Does that make sense? Like you don’t have to arrive knowing everything I know, but I want to want to process my world with you.
I was definitely an anxious attachment style in my youth and now I’ve healed too much and I’m avoidant!! Even though I’m a big feelings girl! I truly never thought I’d live to see the day.
Also, I’m close with my family and if I can’t see you existing in that cinematic universe, even begrudgingly, that’s pretty conclusive. I don’t think I realized how important that is to me until recently.
Overall, do you find dating to be a rewarding experience or a taxing one?
I’m honestly still trying to break the mental association of dating that I developed in Nashville that made me view it as so taxing. I always felt as though I was taking care of the other person on dates there, and it left me exhausted, wildly disappointed, and mildly traumatized (again, wine me for details).
That hasn’t been my experience here at all and I’m trying to internalize that more! I haven’t always gone on great dates here but I haven’t gone on a single date that I regretted or felt like a waste of my time.
That being said, I’m generally anti phone as a human being and would realllly like to meet someone in a way that doesn’t involve my phone. Suggestions welcome.
Do you believe in true love? Why or why not.
I believe in true love but not a one true love, and I think not all true loves are meant to last. I’ve loved, and I’ve borne witness to great love, and my parents teach me a lot about how to move through the world with home base as another person.
What are some date spots you would recommend
A perk of moving here in your late 20s is I am such an NYC passenger princess. Everyone has spots they want to try or revisit, and if not I just text Brucie lol.
Have you had a good kiss lately?
Not yet but my DMs are open ;)
What’s the best date someone else has planned?
Weird performance art about the rodeo into cocktails at Russian Vodka Room OR UCB comedy show and we met up beforehand to have drinks and do word puzzles.
How would you describe your type?
Snarky, approaching twink death
Where are you finding your dates?
Hinge, recently tried The League bc I want a smarty pants? I’ve been on all of them though, including Raya which is simply not a dating app no matter what they would have you believe.
Very interested in meeting more people in the wild and feel woefully under equipped to do so.
The streets continue to provide.
If you’ve got a dating story that deserves to go down in public record, or if you’ve got the rare combination of charm, wit, and emotional availability required to take one of my interviewees on a date, my inbox is open.
Until next time, stay vigilante, avoid poor poets from Brooklyn, and for the love of god, LinkedIn stalk before you leave the house.
ta-ta,
B
Do you believe you have what it takes to take Cammy on a date, or have a story worth sharing?
By all means, send me a message.
I promise I won’t bite ;)